The Sin of Busyness

In testimony to the saying that you never grow too old to learn, in the last year I have learned a valuable lesson that at once seems simple, and yet, we tend to ignore until it is too late. That lesson is not only using your time wisely, but setting time aside to live unhurried.

I’ve always been someone who has appreciated efficiency, even prior to spending my undergraduate time at Eastern Mennonite University studying organizational development and management. During that period I worked full time and completed my undergrad degree full time, while still trying my best to be there for my wife and my four year old daughter. Time management was essential, but I only viewed it as a means to an end. In other words, I had to fit a great deal of work into the same hours of the day that we all enjoy, and making everything fit was sometimes a challenge.

As I’ve grown older, I have been caught up like most folks into spending time rather than investing it. What I mean specifically is that I have filled my days with various activities, some of which truth be told, I’d rather leave behind. Why do we do this, and is it what god would have us do?

My first moment of clarity occurred several years ago when I had overloaded myself with responsibilities to the point that I couldn’t sleep or concentrate any longer. I was in the midst of one of many activities I had committed myself to when a friend asked me an important question. He looked at me and said, “You don’t look like you’re having much fun today.” I had to admit that I was distracted and was focusing on the next task of the day. He then said the obvious, but the thing I had let slip away from my consciousness, “If you’re not having fun with this, then why are you here?” I didn’t like the answer because it convicted me. The truth was, I was there because I felt obligated. I had committed myself. I had let my ego convince me that if I didn’t do it, nobody else would. I had let myself believe that I had to be busy.

We need to be honest with ourselves and realize that in our culture today, when we greet someone we almost always talk about what we have to do and how busy we are. It’s today’s badge of importance and we want to wear it proudly. We make ourselves believe that we don’t matter, or that we don’t measure up, if we aren’t constantly running from one task to the next.

The next time I gave this any thought I was sitting in Dubuque, Iowa speaking with the Director of Distance Education for the University of Dubuque Theological Seminary. I had felt the nudge toward Seminary, and I was at their “Exploring Your Call Conference.” The discussion would fulfill the required interview before being admitted into their program, and I remember one question as it slid from her lips: “What do you plan on giving up so that you will have time to complete this program?” As I gave her the answer I figured she wanted to hear, in the back of my mind I was thinking that I’ve done an intensive program before, and this would be no different. I was wrong.

A few months later I was in the midst of my first semester of Seminary, and I was a mental mess. I had made commitments long before Seminary was on the radar, and now I was paying the price for overextending myself. I buckled down, and found ways to make sure everything was completed, but the price I paid was great. I was exhausted. I was grouchy. Just as before when working beside my friend, I was not having fun.

Don’t misunderstand me, I know that life is not a continual bowl of cherries, full of fun and laughter without a chance of pain or hardship. I’ve had my share of tragedy. However, there is a truth I hope you more than know, but rather enmesh into your existence without delay. That truth is that life is short and you were not created to always be busy.

God may speak to us in the winds of a hurricane, but probably more likely in that still small voice we drown out with our relentless pursuit of the next “big” thing. We need to calm ourselves and approach God in prayer and in peace, and listen for what he has to say, not what we are hoping to hear. It’s just not possible when we set our sights on doing something every waking moment of the day.

I can’t help but think of the story of Mary and Martha contained in the book of Luke. While Mary sits at Jesus’ feet, Martha is busy with the many preparations. Mary was more than just sitting- she was listening to what Jesus was saying. How different is this from our everyday lives? (Luke 10:38-42 NIV)

There is no doubt that we sometimes have to buckle down and get to work. There are times we have no choice but to choose work over rest, and study over a day outdoors, but as life unfolds around us we also have to choose to find time to connect with Jesus and to hear what he is saying. Don’t measure your worth by the number of events on your calendar, but by the quality of the time you spend with your family and with your God. Guard you time with the same vigilance with which you guard your eyes and ears, and invest your time by choosing to sit at Jesus’ feet.

How Do We Respond?

This morning, the pastor at my church brought up something we should all consider with more than a passing thought, especially at this most important time of the year. In a time before pregnancy outside of marriage, and where women were possessions more than persons, an angel appeared to Mary. The news would change the course of history.

In the birth story from Luke, Mary is told that she had found favor with God. At first glance, this sounds like incredible news! Mary, a poor unmarried woman had found favor with the Most High God. She was told that she would bear a child, which we know as Jesus, our Savior. What could be better? Well, here’s where the thinking comes in…

As Tully so aptly shared, Mary, an unmarried and very pregnant woman would be subject to one of two things: either her betrothed could decide to have her stoned to death for this deceitful and humiliating act, or he could have her sent away quietly, to a life outside her family and friends, most likely to die penniless. It was his choice. He chose option C, and we all have him to thank for this courageous and God-following act. Instead of bowing to conventional wisdom, Joseph chose to follow God.

That angel bore the best news for you and me, but possibilities of death for Mary. The best news for future generations only came to fruition because of the faithful acts of two young poor people, who loved each other, and more importantly loved and served God.

With this said, how do we respond? More pointedly, how should we respond? You and I reap the blessings of God’s decision to save our miserable attempt at living a faithful life by sending His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to reconcile us back to him. We can’t ever pay the sacrifices of Jesus back, and aren’t even asked to, as God knows we could never succeed. We are however called to respond to this blessing. Share your gifts. Love each other. Worship Him. And at Christmas, let us celebrate the Savior’s birth, not shop til we drop and stress ourselves about things that don’t matter. After all, all this pales in importance to risking your life for God, now doesn’t it?

Talking with God

Reading that title may bring to mind several different things, not the least of which may be that I have finally lost my mind. After all, we don’t really here about people talking with God anymore do we? When was the last time you heard someone say they talked with God? Well, it’s about time you hear it again.

Yes, I talk with God every day. So far, in spoken terms, I haven’t heard back from Him, but wow does He speak in so many different ways. In reality, a lot of the time when He is reaching out to us, it’s not that He is not communicating with us, but rather, that we are failing to listen.

Ever have one of those long days, and after you finally reach home, you don’t remember the drive? How about a drive early in the morning, and instead of being thankful for the opportunity to see another sunrise, we choose instead to complain about the early morning or the sun in our eyes.

Well, that was me. I had a full schedule, was involved in numerous things, and most of the time was in such a hurry that I failed to not only smell the roses, but even notice they were present. Sleeplessness and stress were present, but didn’t end up being the compass I needed to point to my poor decisions. Despite being involved in so many different activities, I was never fulfilled. After wearing myself out for years, telling myself I was “helping” in multiple meetings, activities, and places, it finally became clear what I was missing was life.

Being busy, and living a quality life are very different things. After I realized this, it was startling how many people I saw had the same problem, and had on blinders to this seemingly apparent truth. Maybe they were just too busy to see it, just like I had been for far too long. Well, back to the talking.

One sure way to silence God in your life is to preoccupy yourself with too many distractions. The Psalmist in chapter 46 verse 10 says “Be still and know that I am God…”I have no doubt that we can hear God, or feel God’s presence in the midst of all we do, in stillness or in chaos, but I think we really miss out when we don’t take the time to focus on him with our undivided attention. That can only happen in quiet, in solitude, or in moments when we are still.

I know for most of us, that isn’t an easy concept to grasp, and it’s even harder to put into practice. I’ve tried. In an exercise at Seminary, we went out to be “still” for 45 minutes, focusing on God and just calming ourselves. It was harder than some of the reading and tests! I’m just programmed to move from one thing to the next. That’s precisely why God and I stopped talking.

Anyway, over time I made a conscious effort to slow down from time to time, and so many things became clear in my life. My relationships improved. I felt more rested. I started feeling a sense of call that I knew God had on my life for some time, but had always pushed aside and busied myself with other to-do lists. Funny thing about God. He doesn’t care so much about our schedule, and finds very interesting ways to prove that to us. I can imagine Him laughing as I wrote that sentence- “our schedule” indeed.

I guess in the end the point I hope you take away from this is the same one I learned the hard way. God made us for many purposes, and endowed us with different gifts. One consistency however is that he wants relationship with us. That requires us to respond to His gift of grace by seeking His schedule and plan for us. By being still. By reading the Bible. By loving. By allowing ourselves to be loved. By praying and listening for His response, even when it throws us in a completely different direction. God will chase you, and meet you where you are. When He calls you, He will provide the way. You just have to listen.

Disney or Bust

A few thoughts on a Walt Disney World vacation…

My family recently returned from our first Disney World vacation, and the reading I completed before the trip helped in many ways. Here are a few tips I either read about, or discovered myself, that you may find of value.

Accommodations

Disney offers three levels of rooms for your use, from the basic to the very homey. Of course, this has a price. After searching into the different resorts within Disney, we had an opportunity to use a friend’s time share just a couple of miles away. It was a better deal, and the driving every day was well worth it for us. Staying onsite does have privileges, from complimentary transportation ($14 parking for those driving) to delivering your purchases to your room, it may be worth it to you. Additionally, they offer a dining plan which should save you some money as well.

Food

Speaking of food, this alone will make up a larger portion of your budget than you may expect. My family (2 adults, 1 child) could easily spend $40 for a middle of the road portioned lunch. It’s hot, and the water you will go through will cost you $2.50 each, so pack some frozen waters in a backpack for the day. Disney will allow small snacks and drinks in your backpack, so bring them with you.

For those of you with food allergies (like our daughter), Disney is fantastic. Not only do the managers in each restaurant know their stuff, they also have a menu book for your inspection which lists all allergens.

One blog I read suggested bringing some food and drink, and leaving them in a locker which is available for rent at the park. I would advise otherwise. The locker rental isn’t cheap, and the walks would be so long, you’re better off with a backpack. I used a CamelBak Mule pack which is on the medium sized side, and had room for water, snacks, and other items I’ll list below.

Lastly, Disney offers some dining experiences with characters. These vary, so read the Disney website, which is well written and informative. We invested in the Cinderella Castle breakfast with the princesses. I liked this for a few reasons. One, the breakfast offers food even little ones would enjoy, and plenty of it. Second, the characters (5 princesses) make their way in and speak to each table, sign autograph books, and give you plenty of time for pictures with your children. Upon your initial entry, you get a photo with Cinderella herself, and the pictures are delivered to your table before you leave. Last, scheduling your breakfast early (up to 180 days in advance, and believe me, it fills up fast) also allows you to enter the park early to make your reservation. Translation- a stroll down Main Street toward the castle with no crowds!

Photos

When it comes to photos, Disney has you covered. Any of their photographers can give you a Photo Pass, which looks like a credit card with a code on the back the photographer can scan. Present the pass to the photographer, they take your picture at multiple places in the parks, and then scan your code. All your pics are then available for purchase there, or within 30 days after returning home by using the website. Again, convenience has a price. As of today (July 4, 2011), each photo is $14.95! However, you can purchase a digital photo book containing all your pictures for about $150.

I took my quality digital camera, and in almost every case had a picture equal to, and in some cases better, than the photos they took for us. In almost every case, they will also take a picture for you with your camera so the whole family can be featured in your own pictures. As an extra hint, be familiar with your camera before you travel. I can’t tell you how many people I saw frustrated taking their own pictures simply because they didn’t know how to use the camera’s features.

Most people want their picture with the characters, so as you enter the park, pick up a map, and also a sheet which will give you show times for the day as well as areas where characters will be featured. You can also use the map to find an area in each park where the characters swap out during the day, meaning you can snap a pic of your family with several characters at one spot. This was awesome, and a highlight for our little one. Use this to your advantage.

Souvenirs

In addition to pictures, most people want to take home a few items to preserve the memories. If you have smaller children, one blogger suggested taking a few cheaper Disney items with you (bought on sale or eBay) to give them each day which will help with the desire to buy something.

Another suggestion for older kids, which we loved and used, was to give the child a check ledger. The ledger can start off with a small sum of money, and as the trip approaches, the child can earn more for the account by helping out around the house. We also put money given to our daughter by family members into this book. When the trip arrived, she knew how much she had to spend, and when it was gone, it was gone. It was amazing how some things didn’t look as appealing when confronted with spending her own money. It was a great lesson, and she admitted she enjoyed using it.

Another hint we used was taking two rolls of quarters and a roll of pennies with us. Every park has multiple penny machines, where for fifty cents (quarters), and a penny, you could pick a design to have crushed into the penny. We bought a book to display them (about $9 at Disney) and she had a great time looking for the machines and picking a design. At the end of the week, she had a full book and a lot of fun for about $35. These machines exist at Sea World and Universal by the way, and she brought back pennies from every place we visited.

Of course, we bought her a couple of things too, which we were able to hide and give her later that day or back home, which made the fun last the whole time. Just remember if you find something you just have to have, you might want to buy it then. Some items do not appear in every park and in every store.

Tickets and Airfare

Disney raises ticket prices every year, and this year as an example, it could be any time. Buy your tickets in advance, and buy them from Disney. They don’t expire until you start using them (you can even pay extra and they never expire), and you know they will be legitimate. I am as methodical as they come. I searched everywhere. The best you can possibly do is get them for a few dollars cheaper, and it is just not worth it to get there and find they aren’t valid.

The big debate is between standard one-park-a-day tickets and the parkhopper option. This option allows you to visit more than one park in a day, in case you want to mix and match. If you are a first-timer I highly suggest you skip this $75 add on. You are going to be tired, and you can’t possibly see everything in one park in a day, let alone everything in more than one.

My suggestion if you plan to be there a week is to buy the ticket for more days than you plan to spend in the parks. When you buy the tickets, the price goes up every day, until you reach the fourth day. After the fourth day, the increase is so small (about $15 for all three of us) that you can buy a six day for instance for just a little more. We did this, and it allowed us to go back to the Magic Kingdom one night after a shorter day spent somewhere else, and see the fireworks, parade, and ride some practically empty rides until midnight. Definitely recommended.

You also need your tickets at rides you would like to FastPass, which is a huge timesaver. In brief, some of the more popular rides offer a FastPass booth, where you insert your ticket (credit card style) into the booth, and then you receive a paper pass to return later within an hour window, bypassing the entire standby line. Let’s say a ride has a wait of 120 minutes. Obtain a FastPass for all in your party, and then return within the hour (may be an hour from now, or at the end of the day, they go fast for popular rides) and skip the standby line. In one instance, we did this and skipped a 90 minute line and waited less than 5 minutes.

Airfare varies greatly from place to place. However, if you’re within driving distance of Roanoke, Virginia, I highly recommend Allegiant Air. I was turned on to them by a friend from Florida who uses it to visit home, and it saved us a bunch. American Airlines was $1200 for the three of us when I checked in February 2011. Allegiant was $491 before taxes. We purchased the airfare and a midsize rental car through them (Alamo rentals) for the week for about $800. The only drawback is that they only fly a few days of the week and once a day. You’ll have to plan your trip around it, but the savings are obvious.

What Should I Take?

As mentioned before, light snacks and drinks are allowed when you enter the park. Well, what else should you take? Here are a few items you may find important to carry with you:

• ·         Rain ponchos (80 cents at Wal Mart, $14 at Disney. IT WILL RAIN.)
• ·         Sunscreen
• ·         Large plastic Ziploc bags. Great to house important items on water rides or during rain.
• ·         Camera, batteries, extra memory cards
• ·         Hat
• ·         Sunglasses
• ·         A few Band-Aids, pain reliever, lip balm
• ·         Autograph book for the characters, and a pen they can hold. Larger works best.
• ·         Quarters and pennies (mentioned earlier)
• ·         Backpack to hold everything
• ·         I used an iPhone app (Disney World Maps Free by VersaEdge Software) to show approximate wait times for rides around the parks. It helped me map out where to go next. It was almost always accurate. If you are traveling with two adults, of course, mobile phones are almost required items.

In closing, one of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to relax and enjoy your trip. Seriously. You will walk miles and miles, and stand in lots of lines, so focus on the reason you came there in the first place. Our planning at home made it much easier to just go with the flow while there. Be a kid and enjoy the experience- it’s the happiest place on Earth!

Hard Days Come

Ever have one of those days? How about one of those months? Maybe even longer. In any event, we all have those moments, no matter their duration, where everything seems like it is pulling us down into a deep, dark pit. No matter who we are we can safely say we understand the feeling of alone. The feeling of not again. The feeling of what now.

I guess throughout my life I’ve not been a glass half empty kind of guy, or a glass half full one either. I think I’ve always seen it as just half a glass. Sometimes good, and sometimes bad, but half a glass all the while. It's hard to explain why we sometimes change our point of view, especially if no life changing incident spurs that change, but we can probably agree that we do see things differently over time.

For instance, when my daughter was born, my adrenaline based behavior was subdued mighty quickly. Vickie probably had a little to do with that, too. If momma ain’t happy…  Anyway, the last few years have been up and down, but mostly up. I’m really blessed in a lot of ways, and I recognized that I think. One day though, when I least expected it, my dad was gone. I had always understood death and dying, first because I have been a police officer for many years and it comes with the turf, and second, I knew Jesus and I also felt really confident that death is just another beginning. Case closed.

Well, I’ve been to more funerals than weddings, and they never bothered me that much. Dad’s was another story, and not for the mushy kind of good reasons either. Without dragging out a long story, we had our differences, and good times, too. However, we weren’t best friends and didn’t chat every day on the phone. Then one day, he’s gone. No more jokes. No more arguments. No more period.

As cliché as it may sound, we really sometimes don’t know what we had until it’s left our lives. Pop was gone, and we weren’t as close as some families, but that’s exactly what I missed. The opportunity for that to happen. I didn’t know every story from his youth, and those were laid to rest with him. Death brings that finality that we really don’t comprehend until it’s too late. For some reason we never seem to learn except the hard way, by fire, in a time when we just aren’t prepared to handle it.

I was looking through some old pictures just moments ago, and through the stacks of books Pop left behind. I was hurting thinking about the times shown in those pictures, and wondering to myself if I should start reading all those books just to maybe understand a part of Pop I never knew. A moment later, I’m thinking all the words in the world won’t do that, but here I sit now writing some more words.

Enough glum thoughts and horrid writing, and on to something worthwhile. The best moment I ever had with Pop was ironically right after my stepmom Joyce passed away. Pop was very low as can be expected. I was spending a week with him after the funeral, and we were sitting there talking, which was something we seldom did for long. We usually were either arguing or telling stories, and not so much in between. In any event, before I knew it Pop was opening up and we were talking about his childhood, his regrets, and his faith. I was just mesmerized like I was reading a great book, with the story unfolding, and hanging on every word. After all the times we had talked, we found a commonality in our faith that brought us closer for the last few years of Pop’s life.

I’m not enough of a story teller to have a great and important moral lesson, but here are a few things to think about: First, the person you’re angry with right now may be the person you share a “greatest moment” with. You won’t know until you get past anger, and enter reconciliation. Second, despite the obvious reality that you too will one day die, it WILL happen before you know it. Savor the time. Hug your kids, and your friends as well. Tell them you love them. Call somebody you miss. Don’t have regrets. Last, there’s only one constant, and that’s Jesus. He did the hard work so you don’t have to yourself. Believe. Accept. Trust. Repeat.

A Grief Observed

I just finished reading another C.S. Lewis masterpiece, “A Grief Observed.” Originally he published it under a pseudonym, for many reasons I expect.

In this amazing book, just four chapters long, Lewis puts on paper what he thinks and feels after the death of his wife from cancer. Lewis, an incredibly brilliant apologist who became a Christian after years of atheism, allows a glimpse into the aftermath of this tragedy and writes in such a vulnerable style that the reader almost feels like he is intruding on his grief. In the  end, it offers incredible insight into the process of grief, and something each one us will, or have, felt during our lives.

A few favorites:

“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.”

“Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.”

I loved the concept in Chapter Three of our human frailty in wishing our lost loved ones to return. As Lewis points out, this might be the greatest cruelty of all, as if they did return, they would only suffer death a second time. Very profound, yet lost on us during our times of struggle.

In the last chapter he also discusses an important truth. Lewis explains that we not only have a memory or impression of those we have lost, but those with which we share the same room. We think subconsciously that we have people figured out, and “he has to depart from it pretty widely before we even notice the fact.” If we really observe, the person’s actions and words are more likely to be far from our judgment. We don’t do that very well, do we- observe without judgment? “We all think we’ve got one another taped.”

Lewis also recounted that after several weeks, he started to become more aware of his departed wife as he progressively grieved less. God became more his focus than his enemy as well. He explained that God has to be our end, not the means to our end. In other words, the more he was able to focus on God as his center, the more he started to clearly remember his wife. Loving God and trusting in Him should be our main priority, not something we simply “do” to get to where we want to be. “If you’re approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you’re not really approaching Him at all.”

I am continually amazed at how god works for His good through each of us, and how the more I study, the less I realize I know. I look forward to a life full of continued learning about our Lord, and am thankful for the genius guidance people like C.S. Lewis left behind for us to find.

Wisdom comes from everywhere

I had a reminder today that some of the best wisdom comes from being reminded of something we already know, but possibly need to refocus on in our life. This moment came to me through the eulogy of a great man I am better for having known, Don Reynolds. Today Don was laid to rest after a beautiful Masonic service, a tribute by the VFW, and a moving divine service by one of his good friends. The moment that really made me think however, came from the person who delivered his eulogy on behalf of the family, his daughter.

A soon as she rose to speak, I was already thinking about the eulogy I delivered for my dad just over a year ago. It was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done, but one of the best moments of my life. I could tell from the way she spoke about her dad, she probably felt the same. She spent some time remembering who her dad was, but also how he made others feel. She recounted his style of conversation, and love of friends and family. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She shared how her dad taught her all life’s lessons, how he guided, but let her learn for herself. She told a few stories about how he gave her opportunities to grow as she helped with the little things, and then was given more responsibility over the years. In short, she shared with all of us how his way of teaching and guiding her over the course of a lifetime molded her into the independent, self-sufficient woman she is today.

I immediately thought of my little girl, Laura, who I adore with all the fiber of my being. I know that what I say and do around her affects her life, but I guess I hadn’t spent much time lately thinking about what she’ll remember when she’s much older looking back on time spent with her dad. She and I go on hikes, we play board games, talk about life, and laugh a whole lot. I’m blessed to spend much more time with her than some dads have, and because of my flexible schedule, she and I get to have some quality time together almost every day.

The more I thought about it though, those times matter, but the real moments occur without notice sometimes. Do I treat people fairly and with respect even when nobody is looking? Do I do the right thing? What messages do I send to her that I don’t even realize?

Well, I do my best to love others, but I fall short. I don’t have much patience with bad drivers, and I don’t have much tolerance for inconsiderate acts. I help others whenever I can, but will she remember more the times I fail?

I thought about this today, and I came to one conclusion. I like everyone else sometimes fail even though I have good intentions. I win some and I lose some. I give and I take. The conclusion is I am human, and I think she’s smart enough to know that. I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes, and if I keep trying, if I keep listening, and I keep investing all I have in her, all will work out fine.

Maybe after all the years I have left, she’ll remember her dad as someone who loved her more than anything in the world. If so, then I did okay after all.