Wisdom comes from everywhere

I had a reminder today that some of the best wisdom comes from being reminded of something we already know, but possibly need to refocus on in our life. This moment came to me through the eulogy of a great man I am better for having known, Don Reynolds. Today Don was laid to rest after a beautiful Masonic service, a tribute by the VFW, and a moving divine service by one of his good friends. The moment that really made me think however, came from the person who delivered his eulogy on behalf of the family, his daughter.

A soon as she rose to speak, I was already thinking about the eulogy I delivered for my dad just over a year ago. It was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done, but one of the best moments of my life. I could tell from the way she spoke about her dad, she probably felt the same. She spent some time remembering who her dad was, but also how he made others feel. She recounted his style of conversation, and love of friends and family. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She shared how her dad taught her all life’s lessons, how he guided, but let her learn for herself. She told a few stories about how he gave her opportunities to grow as she helped with the little things, and then was given more responsibility over the years. In short, she shared with all of us how his way of teaching and guiding her over the course of a lifetime molded her into the independent, self-sufficient woman she is today.

I immediately thought of my little girl, Laura, who I adore with all the fiber of my being. I know that what I say and do around her affects her life, but I guess I hadn’t spent much time lately thinking about what she’ll remember when she’s much older looking back on time spent with her dad. She and I go on hikes, we play board games, talk about life, and laugh a whole lot. I’m blessed to spend much more time with her than some dads have, and because of my flexible schedule, she and I get to have some quality time together almost every day.

The more I thought about it though, those times matter, but the real moments occur without notice sometimes. Do I treat people fairly and with respect even when nobody is looking? Do I do the right thing? What messages do I send to her that I don’t even realize?

Well, I do my best to love others, but I fall short. I don’t have much patience with bad drivers, and I don’t have much tolerance for inconsiderate acts. I help others whenever I can, but will she remember more the times I fail?

I thought about this today, and I came to one conclusion. I like everyone else sometimes fail even though I have good intentions. I win some and I lose some. I give and I take. The conclusion is I am human, and I think she’s smart enough to know that. I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes, and if I keep trying, if I keep listening, and I keep investing all I have in her, all will work out fine.

Maybe after all the years I have left, she’ll remember her dad as someone who loved her more than anything in the world. If so, then I did okay after all.

Christmas gift

I’ve lived over 38 years now, and that makes a lot of Christmases past. I remember many, and others not so much. What I’ve been thinking about this week is how they’ve changed. I guess more specifically, where have we put the focus.

I can remember not too many years in the past I lived the Christmas season full of stress. I worked a changing schedule, and so I was sometimes absent from Christmas morning. I had a small income, but let the commercialism of Christmas overtake me, and constantly worried about the right gift, and tried not to leave anyone out. Trying to control the worldly aspect of the season stole the joy from the spiritual essence of Christmas. No more.

At our best, we all grow up. We learn from hard experience, sometimes from kind words and deeds, and rarer still, from profound moments where everything seems to come into focus. I’ve been blessed to have all these experiences, and today, I don’t worry about the small stuff. It’s my responsibility throughout the entire year to let those I love know how much they mean to me, not through spending money once a year. I receive Christmas cards every year from people who don’t speak to me the rest of the months of the year, so are they driven by emotion, or by obligation? I used to be driven by the latter. Now, I try to share a hug and communicate much better than I did in years past. I have determined that’s what I’m meant to do. Put the advertisements, the guilt, and the stress of Christmas into its own box, wrap it tight, and never open it again.

I fail every year adhering to this plan. I catch myself wanting to give someone something they’ll never forget. I try to remind myself that giving ourselves is the best gift. When that’s hard, I remember the best gift I’ve ever received, and it was exactly that…a gift of a child, fully human, and fully God. Christ the Savior is Born. Merry Christmas.

Costly Free Speech

The rant of the day goes to the supposed Westboro Baptist Church, who insist that “God hates the USA,” “God hates soldiers,” and other ridiculous accusations that are sensationalistic and hollow to their very core.

I firmly believe the First Amendment, giving us the right to free speech, among other rights, is a foundational element of our way of life in the United States. It’s when persons intentionally exploit the limits, and become the unwelcome anomaly, that I take exception. The unfortunate irony in this situation is that the soldiers, past and present, that defend our nation on a daily basis and consistently bear the weight on our behalf, EARNED that freedom for us all, and the very ones who enjoy that quiet freedom use it to insult those same soldiers.

If that isn’t enough, the “church” also takes great joy in attacking homosexuals, our entire country, and now, Elizabeth Edwards. They announced today they would be present outside of the church where the service will be held to commemorate the life of Ms. Edwards, who dies this week after a prolonged battle with breast cancer. After this latest attack, it is beyond clear that the intent of these folks is to gain attention and create shock value to put themselves in the spotlight- very un-Christian I must say.

The Supreme Court is expected to rule sometime next year on a case brought against the church by the father of a Marine killed in Iraq, who was harassed as he attempted to put his son to rest. Let’s hope the decision comes sooner than later.

I think this situation offers several topics of discussion. First, what defines a “church” and when does it cross the line, and become a hate group instead? Second, where does free speech end? Last, how can we join together and ignore such stupidity? The “church” is composed mostly of family members of the so-called reverend that leads this group. They have made it well known that they love the attention. Is there a way to effectively discuss this issue, without giving it the repeated media attention? Let’s hope we figure it out.

In the interim, my prayers go out to those impacted by these despicable acts; and for those who commit them. Hate the sin, but love the sinner. That’s what Christians do.

Decoded

I just watched a show (recorded) on the History Channel called “Decoded.” After seeing the previews for this show, I thought it would be very interesting, as the host, Brad Meltzer, had apparently been given a sufficient budget and a cadre of brilliant assistants to research and explain some great mysteries. Exactly the kind of thing I’d love to do myself.

The excitement died inside of five minutes, as these well educated people started harping on conspiracy theories and made unsubstantiated assertions. We all know that television loves a good story more than it loves truth, but I had the thought that maybe someone as interested in solving great mysteries would be a logical and reasonable person.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am, and have been a Freemason for 12 years. This episode spoke at length about conspiracies concerning the Masons, and how they have a plot to establish a “New World Order.” I’m not a rocket scientist, but I could have easily disputed every argument made by so-called experts in their fields. The misstatements of fact were so numerous, I gave up trying to count them. Ridiculous fiction at best. At one point, they asserted that a member of the investigative team who was an attorney was a great addition to the team because he “gets lied to every day” and could be objective. Well, guess what, they’re adept at suggesting that lies are truth every day as well.

Anyway, this is my rant for today. Hoping for a program that would show some objective and reasonable research into a number of unsolved issues, I tuned in. I won’t waste my time again. I have seldom seen such a hack attempt at scholarly investigation. If you love made for TV drama, then give it a try. If you want to learn something, look elsewhere.

A first shot...

One of the topics I’m sure I will cover continually over the next few years is a journey that started, I guess, at birth. Of course, I don’t recall ever consciously starting it, but God does.

Growing up without a church experience never much occurred to me until I knew what a church experience was. That largely came through a friendship in High School with Chris Ryder. Chris and his family were members at Smyrna Presbyterian Church outside of Waynesboro, and I started going with them as a teenager. I certainly felt connected with God, but didn’t really have the discipline or maturity to push further.

A few years later, I became enamored with a pretty girl, whom was later gracious enough to say “I do.” Vickie Arehart, now Craft, and her parents were regular 8:30 worship service attenders at Tinkling Spring Presbyterian Church ( www.tinklingspring.org ) and I came along. I felt an immediate sense of being home in that place, and the pastor then, Rev. Dr. Fred Holbrook, became a trusted friend. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn, and soon enough I finished a new member class and joined the church.

Over the almost 17 years I’ve been a member, I have tried to immerse myself in the many activities offered there, and not a one has been a disappointment. Going on mission trips, working with youth groups, and stepping out of my comfort zone time after time has always been rewarding. God works in you when you let him.

I guess that’s more or less the lesson. The most powerful force, beyond all our collective imaginations, chooses to let us make the choice. The grace of the cross is offered, not forced. We have the opportunity in every moment to choose to follow Christ, or to satisfy our worldly desires instead. Sure is hard sometimes, huh? I struggle all the time, every single day, and yet time and again I find myself asking for forgiveness and starting again. Until recently, I had it in my mind that was the hardest part, the starting over part. Well, I was wrong. That happens more than I care to admit, too, but that’s another story.

I found after a lot of reflection and prayer that I understood that God forgives me continually. What I had not been able to do in a lot of ways was forgive myself. Despite growing older and acquiring the world’s wisdom, I just never took the time to acknowledge that my mistakes were in the past. Time to move on. Time to reform, so to speak.

My prayer for you is that you forgive yourself. That’s harder in a lot of ways than forgiving others. It’s funny how it gets easier the more you do it. Resentment and anger are powerful drugs.  Start inside, work outside, then look upward. Or as another friend, Pastor Derwin Gray told me- inward, outward, upward. Give it a shot. It changes everything.

Where to start?

One thing I have found through experience in my 38 years is that we just don't take the time to effectively communicate anymore. I'm one of the worst. Writing a letter just doesn't occur to me often enough. We, myself included, rely on emails and texts, and pass in the hallway greetings to replace what once were around the dinner table conversations.

With the loss of these moments of concentrated family time, our ability to focus on each other has diminished. It's a great loss.

I keep up with technology, but never considered a blog until today. Who would care what I have to say? Well, as I start, that doesn't matter much to me. I'm not writing for any particular person. It's just a practice in honesty and vulnerability, and let's face it, we all need the practice. For me, this will be an opportunity to see my life unfold over time. For you, maybe you will pick up a small shred of wisdom, have a laugh, keep up with a regular guy like me, or get inspired to write down what you're thinking.

Well, it's begun. I feel myself reforming already.